LONG POST!

I THINK i MAY be suffering from some sort of MILD depression. the way x behaves can literally drive you to your grave or to buangkok medical centre. you may not see it in me as i appear happy when i talk to u either online, sms or on the phone or even face to face.
BUT when i am at home, i can cry to myself or just space out at the blank wall.
i cry at the thought of fake, selfish, self centred friends and also problems I myself get into.
At a point i will hate myself and think wtf am i doing.
I been nice to x and let *her/his comments put me down at some point. but not anymore. its heart aching when he/she* starts to LIE or SHOW OFF in your face.

i've reached a point where I am playing Ms Cruela and start putting her/him* down too. I put her/him* down and can hear in the tone of the voice or sms tt she/him* pissed off which i feel much happiness to.

i dont know why i still want any part of you to be part of my life. i had hope that u childish fuck wil change to a better person w/o the influence of your immature conjoined friends.

note: * strike off either one.

seriously, since the start of 2005, God has showered me with friends to really KEEP. they are much better than expected. :D

++

In the previous post, i mentioned about how your life may change in a week, month or even an hour.
yea. if An-nur did not decide to log on the net and leave a tag on my now defunct friendster blog OR if I did not even notice that comment, we would not be together today. :(
LOL
so exaggerated.

since the engagement of _________________, an-nur & I started talking abt marriage and stuff. its super easy for similar race/religion to imagine themselves married to their bf/gf.
ok so if not similar religion but a..lets say buddhist and christian person yea, they still can get married even if its of diff religion.
truthfully, its hard to say when you are dating a muslim.
i dont blame them. its their religion practice.
cause conversion must take place.

yea delphine n i used to tease each other that in future we would see each other wearing tudung and making kuih. lol.

but since young, I was and still am a catholic.
i may not be the holiest catholic you can find but i STILL pray and believe a lot in Jesus, Mother Mary and God even though i may not show it. I KNOW they have answered my prayers and guided me every day. :D

I dont know how i am going to give it up if i marry a malay (lets just say its not only an-nur i thinking about as YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT MAY HAPPEN FROM NOW TIL THEN RITE)

It scares me sometimes. Religion is a sensitive topic yea and it scares me.
ppl may say "I WILL NEVER be a __________" but how u know! never say WILL NEVER as you will NEVER KNOW the future.
like sometimes ppl say ...
EXAMPLE: "I WILL NEVER MARRY AN INDIAN"
sekali next time i see her/him with his/her indian spouse!
life is so unpredictable.

then i know that bf n i cant have a future of more than 10 years or so down the road if i dont convert.
it makes me damn sad.
cause i love him and he really is super caring n loving TO ME.
and I know if i get married to him i wont be beaten to death, abused, choked, canned, sex slave, beaten by a bamboo pole, acid wont be thrown on my face, my children wont be raped by him, will likely be in debts as we both dont gamble.
It is unlikely that stuff like these will happen.
choy!

but yea you will never know.
haiz.

(now i bet those who have a crush on my bf are willing to convert anytime or day will start calling or flirting with an-nur more excessively cause cass will be out of the picture soon):(

im paranoid.

i know you should treasure that person that you love at this very moment and enjoy what you have.
but isnt it like soon your favourite person/object/whatever in the world who you love so much be ripped off your hands cause its NOT MEANT TO BE?

this is my feelings NOW. i may not know how i feel in months time but these are my worries NOW.

dont tell me "aiya to solve your problems just convert in future" or some shit.
as its damn UNFAIR TO ME.

just imagine u believe in YOUR GOD all this while then now u have to believe in another and take up their practices just to be with that someone.
will you be happy?
will both of you be happy seeing one person unhappy?

sacrifices in a marriage yea..
but this is a VERY BIG STEP to take for those non-muslims dating a muslim out there..

my sister has talked to me abt this thing before and obviously she warned me abt such situation.
it is not easy ya.. like (EXAMPLE ONLY) how u wish ur hindu/buddhist/muslim bf will convert to being a hindu/christian/catholic/etc..
like our religion aint that strict kinda thing.

but then again its NOT FAIR TO THEM.
which brings me back to the point where its not fair to us too..

so is the moral of the story to marry your own religion type of person? what if his character is a bastard? hahaha.

sometimes in situations such as this dont u wish everyone just believed/worshipped in ONE god so that ppl in intercultural relationships wont be in dilemma.

if u dont know how i feel then shut up.

HAIZ.

oh ya, that day on friday(I think it was friday) i saw ROSLYNN LEE!! yes I FINALLY RECALLED HER NAME! I saw her and hossan leong.
anyway back to roslynn lee.
yup, that girls out loud host.
i saw her at Shaw towers in town when i was coming down the escalator and was gg up at the basement MCcafe area. We crossed path for awhile and then i gave out a SHRIEK!
Thank God only An-nur heard it. but obviously when he heard it, he had to make fun of it. HAHA.

I just think she has that naturally cool look and she is pretty in the rocker chick way even though Xiulin thinks she is ugly. lol.
you judge for yourself! pic from power98 web blog thingy..


OH OH!! that day i was helping my mum dl yahoo messenger and then I stumbled upon Yahoo! Avatars. it is smt like meegos except the Avatars thingy ppl are more sexier and slimmer and can choose a hell lot of outfits.

SO SO i was so bored til I decided to do a VIRTUAL AN-NUR!
hahahahhaha.
eh IT REALLY LOOKS LIKE HIM RITE!
I AM SO TALENTED!

anyway, the two pics tells a story.
so lets start with the first one.



Dear An-nur,
you see I can forsee you as a nurse in future. btw, that is a male nurse uniform. then i gave u back your old hairstyle. So alike rite? since i gave u back your old hairdo, i gave u back ur old black glasses too. As you said u can multi task so i decided to put u infront of a goalpost as soccer is ur 2nd darling. Whenever you make me angry, that bear and chocolate is very useful! *HINT.

2nd pic


Dear An-nur,
you always wanted to buy a sweater but i guess u are still searching for the perfect one after several sweaters was rejected by me at the store. So if u cant wear it, u can SEE how u look like in it. u always wanted to buy a scarf too which i dont want u to buy cause its gay-like. SEE HOW GAY IT MADE VIRTUAL U LOOK! SEE SEE SEE!!! the way that virtual an-nur stands also so gay.
I gave u your spiky hair back! See that bag on the floor? like ur green bag rite!


This is why i love barbie dolls. I love to dress stuff up.
:D


anyway, Cinderella 4